I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
