I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize