you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
