why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize