I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
