This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
