i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
