and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
