just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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