I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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