do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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