and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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