i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
