Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
