That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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