Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
