My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
