My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
