They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
