Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
