Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
