sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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