If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
