Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
