I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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