She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
