So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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