Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
