At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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