he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
