i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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