The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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