Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
