I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
