Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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