What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize