I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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