Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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