sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
