i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
