either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
