this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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