What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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