He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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