i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize