Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
