my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm both gender and math confused
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
