my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
