btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
