if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
