he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
