every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
