i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
