I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
