YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we're so committed to being not committed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
