They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
