it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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