So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
