Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we should paint friendship bongs
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