you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
