I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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