She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
