My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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