i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
