THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
