And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He passed out mid-signature
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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