The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
whose parrot is this?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize