youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
