if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
