Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
