It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
