Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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