I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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