I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize