I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Randomize
