i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
