I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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