I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
