Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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