you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
