Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
