Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm at about main and main street
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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