I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
