Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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