I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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