i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
