Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
