Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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