thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
