I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize