First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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