I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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