Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
