Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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