wanna go halves on a baby?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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