does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
