My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
