When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
