Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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